just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
