I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He uses pillows to masturbate.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
