she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
