I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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