I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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