so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm having to shit out rocks
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
