Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
