3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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