Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
