I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
