My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
