I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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