Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
barbara walters just said penis...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just invented taco cereal.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
