You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize