my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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