oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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