So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
