i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
