i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
