He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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