Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize