Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
