Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
