im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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