The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
