I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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