Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
