Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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