She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
