can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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