Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
