How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
