were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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