is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
