to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
