Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
