Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
