She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
