I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
