I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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