i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
