There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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