Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So squirting runs in the family.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
