saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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