I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
