I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
