I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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