So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
