i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
