I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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