yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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