Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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