he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
