i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
