I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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