Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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