In the future we'll all be gay
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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