ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
