just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
