I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
