Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm always down for nudity.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
