Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
