Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
