She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize