Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we have officially lost it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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