Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
