dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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