so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's always time for handjobs
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
