She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
