WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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