No stitches, just platelets and will power
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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