I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
