We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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