I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
