he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
