Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
