I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
