this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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