I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
