haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
