i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
