she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
