We won't sleep together?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
