Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
