my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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