Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
