i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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