im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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