By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
